


Oh, You Want to Kill My Husband? Take a Number, Please.

by joanofarcstan



Series: tumblr prompts [5]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Gen, and that is murder, aredhel is tired of everyone's shit, celegorm is interested in exactly one thing, eol doesn't actually make an appearance, he's the subject of their discussion sometimes, so is mandos but like he's more like a lecturing schoolteacher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24981979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joanofarcstan/pseuds/joanofarcstan
Summary: 17. "Love is overrated." Aredhel & Celegorm. Requested on tumblr.
Relationships: Aredhel & Celegorm | Turcafinwë, Aredhel/Eöl (Tolkien)
Series: tumblr prompts [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789078
Comments: 9
Kudos: 30
Collections: Dialogue Prompts





	Oh, You Want to Kill My Husband? Take a Number, Please.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theoreticlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoreticlove/gifts).



"Love is overrated," Aredhel muttered. "So I loved him and he loved me. For a while. So what? He still ended up murdering me."

Celegorm shrugged, but a thundercloud seemed to roll across his face even though there were no thunderclouds in the Halls. Or rain. Or trees. Or any adventures to go on. Just "talk to your family," "think about your past," "accept your fate," "move on." Boring.

"I'm going to repay the favour," he said.

Aredhel sighed and looked at him sideways. "He's already dead, Tyelko." They were treading well-worn paths again. "We couldn't kill him if we tried."

"And it would be rude," an echoing, incorporeal voice said above? next to? _around_ them. "Not to mention illegal."

"Go away, Mandos," Aredhel mumbled with as much heat as she could put into it. She would have much preferred to curse at him, but that had previously ended in neverending lectures about the propriety of cursing in public.

Celegorm, however, seemed to be up for a fight. (Figures, Aredhel thought; it's been a… time (since no one can count hours here) since his last fight to the "death.") "And how would it be unwarranted, illegal, or rude? That… _elf_ kidnapped my cousin! Then pretended to save her! And then he _killed her_!"

Aredhel had half a mind to tell Tyelko he was missing a few crucial details in there, such as the fact that they had had a son, or that they had genuinely been in love (such was the nature of Elven marriage), or that he had tried to kill their son (not necessarily in that order), but the fact that watching the Lord of the Halls, as if speaking to a truculent child, explain all this to Tyelko would be more entertaining deterred her. Maybe having Mandos randomly intrude in on conversations where he was certainly not welcome wasn't such a bad thing after all.

"Celegorm, son of Fëanor, you are missing several very important details here." Oh, there was the infamous lecturing-a-stubborn-child-who-won't-learn voice. If only Aredhel had some of what the mortals called popcorn…

"Oh, and what is that? Are you going to bring up the son again? The one he tried to murder?—"

"Celegorm, that is my _son_ you are talking about, and he has a _name_!" By all the Valar, she would not let another person make her son go nameless!

"Ar-Feiniel—"

"Don't 'Ar-Feiniel' me, you oaf! His name is _Lómion_ and you will call him that!"

The there-but-not Mandos cleared his nonexistent throat. "He is also named Maeglin."

By Eru Ilúvatar Himself, Aredhel did not have the patience for this. "That is the name Eöl gave him when he was twelve, and only because I insisted on a name. Do not presume to know my son better than I do, Doomsman!"

Again that clearing of his nonexistent (at least not right there) throat. "Well, actually, since you have been dead for quite a while, and I know the daily goings-on—is that how you say it nowadays?—in Middle-Earth, I think I know quite a bit more about what your son has been doing than you do, in the Halls as you are—"

"Fuck off." Having Mandos intrude was worse than she had thought. Surely if she and Celegorm gave him too many things to complain about, he couldn't lecture them for eternity, could he?

(He could very much, in fact, lecture them both for eternity. But then, those of the House of Finwë were not known for their good judgment.)

Mandos, again, gave an incorporeal sigh. "I shall discuss your choice of language with you later. Now, Celegorm, you are missing more than just the fact that they had a son. For instance, you are missing the fact that they were in love—"

"He killed her!"

"—because the nature of Elven marriage dictates that a union can only occur when both parties are in love—"

"He _killed_ her and you're saying that's love?!"

"—and he did not intend to kill her but her son—"

"Like that makes it any better?!"

Mandos huffed. "I am merely trying to provide clarification—"

"I'm going to kill him!"

"No, Tyelko, _you_ will not! If anyone kills my husband, it is going to be _me_!" Aredhel shouted, fed up with everything. Maybe this would be a good way to get it out of her system, even if she couldn't actually kill him. It had been a while, after all, since she'd felt the satisfaction of punching someone ~~, read, Eöl~~.

**Author's Note:**

> Aredhel is valid.
> 
> As usual, thank you for reading! Comments are appreciated, or come talk to me on tumblr @[laurierliberal](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/laurierliberal)!


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